My mother suffers from kidney disease, among other health issues including CHF. Her kidney doctor has advised that she is in stage 5 & will eventually need dialysis probably sooner than later. She’s doing ok right now but he’s scheduled an appointment with my mom & family to discuss. She is adamant that she does not want dialysis. I’m working but will need to retire to become her primary caregiver (with help) any ideas what to expect? Thank you.
My brother, who recently passed did the treatments but they didn't help. His cancer had progressed to the bones. He stopped fighting and died this past February, 2024. He didn't last as long as dad and passed at eighty three years old. Dad was ninety three when he passed.
If your mother refuses the treatment, this is her choice.
Dialysis is a brutal treatment and should NEVER be forced on anyone.
I have already LONG AGO written in my advance directive that I do not wish to have dialysis even temporarily under any circumstances, and that in the instance of kidney failure I would like first palliative care, then Hospice care.
Your mother, if not suffering dementia has a right to this decision.
Her doctor will almost certainly understand and not fight this option.
Feel free to have an advance directive done stipulating this.
I also refused any artificially administrated sustenance such as PEG, TPN, or tube feedings. Also chemo and radiation.
These are very valid decisions for us elders.
Please honor your mother's wishes.
My family has long known and agreed to honor mine. My MD has as well and my wishes are scanned to my charts.
It was a challenging year, including a diagnosis of likely Lewy body dementia(not a surprise to me), which fortunately never progressed significantly. Other medical issues arose, but that’s where palliative care was so helpful for us. He was hospitalized once but the hospitalist understood palliative care and got him out of there ASAP without a lot of testing. Likewise, his NP knew he did not want to go back to the hospital so there was no push for diagnostic testing when he started to significantly decline.
Long story short, we were both glad to have that final, though heartbreaking year together with palliative care improving the quality of both our lives during the last six months. He knew that I was prepared to care for him at home as long it was safe for both of us, and my health was not significantly impacted. I had a back up plan with Visiting Angels, but fortunately never needed them nor had to make the difficult decision to seek placement.
Personally, I am with you AlvaDeer, in terms of medical measures I want for myself. I’m still fairly young, but need to get it in writing as my MPOAs are a little older than I am. I certainly hope that Wo8myte’s
mother isn’t pressured by a physician to start dialysis when she is adamantly against it, and frankly at 84 I would hope she wouldn’t be pressured anyway. Even though my husband didn’t regret the decision, dialysis is an invasive procedure with its own set of difficulties.
Listen you your mother.
Give your mother the dignity of not having dialysis.
When the doctors suggest Hospice then it's time for hospice and the "good drugs".
We all die. There's no reason on earth to be TORTURED to death if that isn't our wish.
The price is that some of that life is then spent getting to dialysis, doing dialysis, and recovering from dialysis, and the process can be quite exhausting for an older person. There may be a surgery or a special permanent IV to start also.
Many people say (and should be offered the choice to) they are just not interested (as she is). In the same way they wouldn’t go for another round of chemotherapy or a surgery or something like that. So I would respect her wishes, as long as she feels like she knows the options.
At 84, a lot depends on her other quality of life issues and what she wants to gain. Many people of this age say no thanks. Some people start and though the process is annoying, they do better than expected. Some people start and are miserable.
I’ve seen people also be unsure, and decide to start with the option to stop later (which is 100% an option) if it’s not for them. (Most people who do this keep going though – not sure if that’s because it works for them and it’s not as tough as they thought, or just through inertia).
Do you have an opinion to share with us? Do you feel that your husband was overall HAPPY with this time, or relatively so? That is do you feel it was worth it to have the extra time?
Would be so interested to know. As an RN I saw in hospital all of the failures, few of the successes over a long career. I will say that's the problem with being an RN is you see those who end up in care. For instance I am DEADLY AFRAID of blood thinners given what I saw from the old ones in terms of deadly side effects. Yet I did not see those who thrives, if you get my meaning.
My aunt didn’t want dialysis. She died suddenly so she didn’t even have the chance to do dialysis. She was only in her 40’s.
I wouldn’t try to convince your mother to do this. Your mom’s wishes are more important than her doctor’s recommendation for her.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you peace during this difficult time.
I had two friends, both diabetics, both their kidneys had shut down. One was juvenile diabetic and could not do dialysis. She passed 2 weeks after going on Hospice. My other friend, he quit dialysis and passed in a week. Kidneys filter out toxins and when those toxins build up in the body it causes Dementia type symptoms. The body becomes septic and this is what causes death. With Mom, her heart may go first.
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