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Nodding is perfect. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Act like you don't care and he won't get the drama he craves.
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IMO - Whether or not you pay for his funeral is your decision.

I think I would simply say "We will do the best we can," and not answer any details. You are not obliged to explain yourself, nor are you obliged to do what your bro is asking. The funeral is for the living - that is you and family. If the g/f can't pay for it, she has no say. You don't spend other people's money. My experience with addicts is that they are very good at that, if you allow it.

We have opted for a simple graveside service for my mother, as most people she knew are no longer living, so there will be very few attending. It will not cost much, which was not the reason for making that decision, but is what works best for us.

Let us know how you are doing.
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Yes, coming from a "nice" town didn't stop the drugs. My daughter graduated 1995, Marijuana was the thing. 2003 my other daughter graduated, hard drugs were brought in. Now, its bad batches of Herion and Opiates. We have lost a number of kids. And the School Board, we don't have a drug problem! I think they finally woke up but not in time.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
AMEN! JoAnn

You said it all!!!
The underlying problems at some point must be addressed!
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Your dollars means your decisions.
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Let the state bury him and tell him so, this is not your responsibility, don't let him manipulate you.
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No is a complete answer to your brother. You and other family members do not owe him a nice funeral. Let the county cremate him.
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This thread is from 4 months ago. The OP hasn't come back since.
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Vivian711 Nov 2019
I'm BAAAACK!
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I know the original poster hasn't been here in a while, but for anyone else and some fun reading.  UM NO!  Sorry, you made your choices in life and if you have no money and you have screwed over everyone...you do not get to make those choices in death.  Sorry, I would not pay for my criminal, drug addict sibling to go out with a bang.  At best, he would get cremated and placed in the family plot...at best.  If there was not money for that...then simple cremation and give the ashes to the girlfriend.  If there is not money for that even...let the state or the girl friend deal with it.  I will not pay a dollar for my criminal drug addict sister.  I would not even claim her body.  People need to understand their choices in life, what horrid things they do to people are not just simply forgiven or forgotten in death.  He doesn't deserve what his expectations are.
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My indigent brother just passed. He and his live-in girlfriend continually said that we, the three siblings, would have to pay for his funeral. we refused.
Left to her own devices and her not being satisfied with our only offering a simple cremation and burial of the cremains, she stepped in and financed a funeral. She got her visitation at the funeral home and the cremation. No burial in our family plot, yet, as it was not included in the price.
Let her default on the funeral. It isn't us. We heard that she and her henchmen were going to sneak into the cemetery and bury his ashes. I notified the office of the cemetery and warned them of this.
I'm glad we are rid of these sponging, thieving drug addicts for good.
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worriedinCali Nov 2019
Thanks for the update Vivian & my condolences. Glad you didn’t pay for the funeral your brother or his GF wanted.
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Vivian,

Some issues are not able to be resolved. You did not ask for any of this misery. You certainly didn’t deserve it.

Hopefully, your brother’s girlfriend will do the kindest thing by just allowing you to live your life in peace. There isn’t any good reason for any future contact.

I am sorry that you had to endure a difficult family situation. I grew up with an addict. I completely understand the havoc it causes.

Hugs! Take care. Heal. I hope your future days are filled with love, peace and joy.
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Glad it all worked out. Now you can go on with ur life. Glad u stuck by ur guns.
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Vivian,
Sorry for your loss.
For the loss of your brother to drugs,
and again, losing him when he passed.
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Vivian,

Glad you stood you ground on the funeral offering. Since these are druggies and henchmen, please look over your shoulder, watch your back, and lock your doors, at least for a while. Take care and thanks for updating us.
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I am happy that you stood your ground.  Kudos!  Now, from my own experience, please make sure for some time your doors are locked in home and vehicles.  Druggies have no shame and will steal from you with no hesitation, especially if she feels that you have "done her wrong".  They all have the same mentality.  All they do should be forgiven and swept under a run, but Heaven forbid someone hold them accountable to their behavior. 
I give you condolences on the brother you had as a child.  The one that was innocent and not yet broken.  That is the memories I hope you choose to remember and cherish, that is who you should mourn for.  The adult, that person should not be mourned.
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