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My husband has excessive tremors and poor eyesight. He bends and breaks his glasses, messes with his new iPhone util it won’t work then says the phone is broken. He has taken the phone in repeatedly to be “fixed”. He messes with TVs and remotes, thermostat, cars (you name it) util they no longer work. Then I have to reset and straighten out the messes. He cannot write anymore and barely reads. I can stand there saying, “Don’t push that button” and he looks right at me, while he pushes the button! In the hospital, he tried to take apart every piece of equipment in his room then snuck out of his room at night and into an empty room to take apart things there! How do I get him to leave things alone? Should I buy him a child’s toy electronics kit to play with?

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Thank you to all those who answered. It helps so much to know others care and have been thru it as well.
He starts PT and OT next week. His neurologist is going to call later today with suggestions for increased meds.
He fell over the weekend and went to the ER. I was hoping they would admit him so I could ask the hospital to release him to a facility. But by the time I got to the hospital, they had already released him and the Dr acted like he didn’t believe me when I told him how difficult it has become.
A Social Worker is coming out this week to discuss “next steps” and I see an Elder Law Attorney in Feb.
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AlvaDeer Jan 2, 2024
Thank you for updating us, P. Wishing you good luck and hope you will keep updating us on your situation.
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How does he get to the phone store?
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Penguina Jan 3, 2024
Good question - when I go to the Walmart pharmacy, he walks out of the store and the next store down is the iPhone store so he goes in there. They all know him now. They know there is nothing wrong with his phone and that they will have to spend time explaining and-reexplaining the user errors involved. But he doesn’t believe them any more than he believes me. He erases programs, loses pictures, deletes files and photos. He keeps turning off the ringer and claims it doesn’t work to answer calls. It’s a new day every day.
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Put a plastic cover on the thermostat. Get him a landline instead of a smartphone.

I'd buy him some Legos, ask him to make something good. A child's electronics kit sounds great, if he won't try to plug it in. I'd put PLAIN covers on the empty outlets for sure.

Basically "childproof" where he is. I'd hide the TV remotes myself. Last week my Ex took apart my vacuum cleaner, when I asked him to vacuum a small area. I found it spread across the garage. Good thing I knew how to put it back together, or he would have had to buy me a new one.
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I gave this one to my engineer husband to think about, and he’s asked for a bit more information about your DH.

1) His manual dexterity – does he have arthritis in his fingers, or can he still manipulate small parts?
2) His mind- does he just like taking things apart (destroying them, like the grandson), or does he try to put things together (even if he fails)?

You can message me with details if you want. My DH was quite shocked at the idea of giving him pre-school lego!

He also liked the idea of getting stuff from an OP shop (our local tip shop is particularly good with this sort of thing), and letting him go his hardest. Electrical is fine, just cut the plug off. Tell him you can get a new plug put on if it’s fixed (true).
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Penguina Jan 2, 2024
Thanks for your message. I’ve been so busy it’s hard to even read these much less answer. But I do appreciate your thoughts.
My husband has no manual dexterity at all due to severe tremors. He can’t feed himself anymore. Can’t write or read. He has always been handy with electronics, tools, building, working on cars. He can take stuff apart but cannot put it back together. He was an Air Traffic Controller (I was too) and has worked as an electrician and a stock market portfolio manager. This disease has devastated us both.
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You can't get him to stop.
He does not understand, you can tell him but his brain will not retain the No's and the Why's and Why not's.

You could try getting him electronic equipment for him to play with. As long as it is safe.
You might even want to pick up stuff from a resale shop and give him things he can take apart.

You need to "hide" remotes. He may be close to not having a cell phone.
And when you say he messes with the car...I hope he is not driving still. That needs to stop if he is still driving.

If he knows what Chanel he wants I am pretty sure Alexa can change tv channels.
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Nacagi Dec 23, 2023
Sure channels with classic "old" shows with "Walker" thrown in.
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oh no, this is complicated. Was he always interested in fixing things up? or is this a brand new thing that has come up?
As others have said, you may need to just keep valuable things away.
To keep him busy - as others have said, maybe get some kids toys that involve putting things together and taking them apart, but in a safe way. Like building blocks or a puzzle or such. Maybe things like that geared for age 2-5 age range might keep him busy enough. Or, if he will be ok and you think its safe electricity wise, maybe even a very basic electronic kit for young kids, maybe something with low voltage batteries (not plugged into an outlet).

For phone for my dad, I "downgraded" him to a 6 year old iPhone I still had lying around the house unused. He used to know how to do a variety of things on it but kept forgetting, so as of now he only uses it to make or receive phone calls and see what the time is. If he breaks or loses that phone, its worth very little money and I have other backup ipHones I can assign him.
My dad has asked me to bring his laptop in to assisted living to try to get back on some emails. So far I have not brought it to him - I think he wont be able to use it at all and likely will mess it up, and/or download malware and such. (he used to when he was at his home and more cognitively intact even). I dont see how he will benefit from having the laptop. I likely only would lead to downsides.
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Penguina Jan 2, 2024
Thanks for the reply. He has always fixed things, built two houses from ground up, rebuilt cars, had two collector Mustangs. He was an Air Traffic Controller. We both were. So he was used to complicated situations and thinking fast. This disease has devastated us both. He has tremors so bad, I am having to feed him now. He cannot dress himself anymore. He spills drinks every day either on the floor or on himself.
He is not driving - I took his keys months ago. It is illegal to drive in SC for six months after having a seizure. I use that to stop him from asking to drive all the time.
when we get in car to go somewhere, he opens and closes the glove box, turns A/C up and down, plays with radio, unbuckles his seat belt, plays with window, etc. It’s like having a two year old.
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Maybe its an anxiety and there are meds for that. The next time he breaks his iphone tell him its unfixable and he is not getting another one. Dementia does go hand in hand with Parkinson's. If he has it, time for you to take control because he no longer can make informed decisions. Eventually u will not be able to give him choices because his mind will not be able to make decisions. You will need to just do it. Never ask a question that needs a yes or no answer. It probably will always be no. IMO, they get like toddlers, like pushing that button when u told him not to.

It may become that you can no longer care for him in your home. If this happens you need to speak with an elder lawyer about splitting of assets.
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For your own safety please don’t take him alone in your car. Especially since he doesn’t respond when you tell him to stop. More than once I’ve heard of people who can suddenly create beautiful art while they go through certain phases of dementia. Perhaps his mind is actually in a creative mode. Like Geaton suggested, perhaps he could enjoy some simple items to take apart and put back together (if he is interested in putting them back together). You could check out thrift stores, scrap metal places to see what you could find. I think I would cut the electrical cords off of them. There is a boxing program called Rock Steady for folks with Parkinson’s. My aunt went to one. Try to find one in your area. It might help him use some of his energy in a less destructive way. Here is a link to one at a Y that gives more info. https://www.genevalakesymca.org/main/rock-steady-boxingKeep a food diary for awhile to see if sugar or caffeine make him more or less active.

I assume you’ve spoken with his neurologist for suggestions. Did their office give you suggestions?

This must be so stressful for you. I’m sorry.
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I like Geaton's idea as a try. But I do worry about broken electrical things in terms of shock and so on. This certainly is a problem. I would try anything to try to busy him. Broken dial timers, whatever and just ask "Do you think you can fix this for me".
Wow, this is a problem. Are there other problems as well which may make you consider that the time you can control all of this is nearing an end?

I wonder if there is any kind of a cover that can be made for some of these things, with a lock, but some handiman or someonething that is listed in "child proofing" catalogs.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. He's still a Mr. Fix-it.
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Geaton777 Dec 22, 2023
She can cut the electrical cords iin advance of giving it to him so there's nothing to plug in. He probably won't even question it. The point is not for him to actually fix it, the point is to keep him occupied in something that he's obviously interested in. There's no wrong answer in whatever he does with what he's given.
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He has some fixation with electronics. I wonder if OT would help to simplify that, they all are so complicated
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What if you supplied him with broken appliances so that he can take them apart as he pleases? Like a toaster, microwave, boom box, DVD player, old laptop, tv? Tell him they're broken and need fixing. Set up a "shop" for him in the house or your garage if he takes to it.
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lealonnie1 Dec 22, 2023
I did that very thing with my son when he was little and insisted on taking things apart. I w would go to goodwill and ask for broken small appliances and electronics they couldn't sell. I'd bring home a giant bag and give goodwill $10. My son spent many hours taking all those things apart until I'd go back again.
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Have you thought about just taking away his phone and remote? You can just tell family and friends to call him on your phone and you can stand there and even hold the phone for him if needed as he talks.
And why is he in a car long enough to mess with anything in it? At this point he should only be in the car if you're having to take him to the doctors, which should limit his ability to mess with anything.
My late husband(who had vascular dementia)had a lot of trouble trying to figure out the TV remote the last few years of his life and he messed things up a lot, where I'd have to call Spectrum to have them help me get things back right.
There were times when I would just have to take the remote away after I put the TV on a show that I knew he liked to watch. We as caregivers have to do what we have to do for our own peace of mind and sanity sometimes, and if that means taking away the things our loved ones mess with continually, then so be it.
It certainly wouldn't hurt trying to keep his hands occupied on something that he can't mess up, like a child's toy of some kind, but in the meantime take away those things that he can mess up.
Best wishes.
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I wonder if occupational therapy may have any ideas of some things ( toys ) to keep him busy .
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Penguina Jan 2, 2024
He starts occupational therapy next week. Maybe it will help.
His newest bad behavior is losing his temper and hurting me. He stomped my foot so hard I thought he broke my toe then when I was trying to help him transfer to the bed he elbowed me in the mouth and busted my lip. He says it’s accidental but I’m not so sure. I will be talking with his neurologist today.
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I understand your frustration. Truly, I do because I cared for my mom who had Parkinson’s disease.

Tremors go along with Parkinson’s disease. Meds only help so much and when they begin to wear off the tremors begin again.

Parkinson’s is a neurological condition. Your husband isn’t able to control his tremors. That’s not how it works.

Giving your husband instructions isn’t going to change his medical condition.

Have you spoken with his neurologist to see if his medication needs adjusting? My mother had to occasionally change the dosage of her meds.

Dementia can accompany Parkinson’s disease. My mother developed dementia later in life. She pushed buttons at certain times. After a while she wasn’t capable of using her iPhone anymore. Her tremors were extremely annoying to her.

Please understand that your husband isn’t doing anything on purpose and it is frustrating for him too. Parkinson’s is progressive disease. It becomes more of a burden as times goes by.

Wishing you and your husband well.
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