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Can people share more feasible and less expensvie respite care options as oppose to relocating senior loved one temporarily to nurisng home? For example, adult silbings visit to relieve stress on adult sibling living in the home, treating adult silbing living in the home to a vacation, we already have 24/7 care in the home (maybe getting better quality care), etc.

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You can't just turn a sick person over to a sibling with no experience in caregiving and expect things to go well. If I were the sibling, I wouldn't do it anyway. Caregiving's quite a bit more complicated than babysitting a six month old or a puppy.

What does "Oh, by the way, Sister Sandy is going to come by tomorrow and stay with you for two weeks while I go to Bermuda" say to the patient? That they're not really important enough for a professional to take care of them? Or something like that?
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Is the Caregiver sibling also the POA? If you already have people ready to give 24/7 care, why is a facility even being considered? And again, the POA would have the last say. If the POA feels that a facility is the best option, then they can have the principle placed. But that makes no sense if others are willing to do the caring.
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Hahahaha, if I was your brother, I wouldn't trust you to send me on a vacation either. Based on everything you have written he'd come back to find he no longer has a home and possibly charges against him for abandonment of a vulnerable senior under his care.

You told us you resigned as MPOA, so you have no say, if that was truth.

Let him put mom in respite care, it's no skin off you, he is the one that has been dealing with her daily for ten years. Cut the Guy some slack already.
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AlvaDeer Dec 25, 2023
In the last few days it's as tho a clusterbomb of questions has detonated. It just MUST be the Holidays.
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Again, D., as I understand it you are not directly in charge of the care, and there is some disagreements ongoing with those who are.

Is this simply another hypothetical question? You have been posting frequently and all of the questions just seem a bit impersonal and generic.

If this is just that, a hypothetical:
1. No there is really not another good way to entrust an elder to SAFE care unless a WANTED, CAPABLE, fully TRUSTED, VOLUNTEERING family member wishes to do this care, and the family doing it currently wishes to have them do it.
2. Anything less than the above would result in more bickering and emergency calls and questions of right ways and wrong ways of doing, and etc. In other words the last thing you personally would want.
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If your mother has a long-term care policy, it may cover some/all of the cost of respite care.

If you "hire" someone to come in to cover your brother, make sure at least one of the rest of you are prepared if you get "the phone call" - that whoever is covering is unable to make their shift. Make sure you have a reasonable, doable back-up plan in place, so brother who is on vacation isn't fielding the phone calls regarding coverage.

If you choose to go with a temporary NH for respite, ***please*** make sure you talk to that facility, well before you are looking to place mom, about what they will require to admit someone for respite. It's ***not*** like making a hotel reservation. I put my mom in respite once, and we had to have an independent, licensed RN who was qualified to do a needs assessment come into my home and interview me AND mom to make sure she qualified for respite care. In my county, there are exactly TWO of such nurses. These were details I had to get in place WEEKS before we left for our vacation...had I waited until the last minute, there would have been no way to get all our ducks in a row to get mom into respite. It was neither a quick nor simple process, but the relief at knowing mom was in a place where she was being looked after, and I wasn't going to have to field the "sorry, I can't make it today" phone calls while I was away on vacation was wonderful.
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Keep in mind that you cannot "assume" or "expect" anyone into a caregiving role, even temporarily. I'm talking about siblings and family members. If they say no, then it's no and you need to accept it. Also, they may not be knowledgeable enough so will require some training if they do agree.

- Adult Day Care program
- a live-in respite facility (if there is one) or NH
- agency hired help
- privately hired individuals (from Care.com, etc)
- willing family members on shifts

Or a combo of some of the above. Good care is costly.
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Are you saying that the sibling living in the home is part of the 24/7 care and now needs respite?

If so, can you take 2 weeks leave/FMLA and go to your mother's home and provide respite? It might give you a better handle on both her caregiving and medical needs.

Will your brother leave for 2 weeks?
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Caring for a high needs person is expensive and I think you need to wrap your head around the idea that there is no such thing as an inexpensive solution. Even if you can find people who are desperate enough to work for peanuts you need to consider why that is so - they will almost always be unskilled, are less apt to be reliable, and will likely resent their situation and your loved one.
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