Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
For DH's family, MIL'S refusal to bathe at the end of her life was the straw that broke the camel's back. She just--stopped bathing, completely. The smell was awful. For someone who had been beyond fastidious in her grooming, this was a really sad development.
The occasional incontinence sure didn't help.
When she started putting up a fight, biting people and raging at anyone who came near her--DH's OB simply started checking out ALF's. Dh was POA, but he never did a thing with his 'power'. He also didn't care that OB basically stepped up and did it all.
Somebody who does not want to bathe, can become incredibly strong and combative. I couldn't believe that the 3 sibs working together could not get her in the tub. (She didn't have a shower, thought they were low class).
Honestly, sounds like you need to find mom a care facility. If she can only take herself to the bathroom but nothing else--what is her QOL at this time? She needs CGs every single day. Bathing is just one of the many ADL'S she is incapable of doing.
You can get away with 'bed baths' between showers--but you cannot do it forever.
Good Luck with this. Honestly, it was the fighting over not bathing that landed MIL in a NH.
Unfortunately, lack of bathing becomes a common problem.
Bathing actually has many steps & requires much planning & short term memory to accomplish. Add feeling cold, stiff or pain & no wonder people refuse. Then add lack of smell & loss to reason & they don't underdtand why bathing is hygienic & necessary.
What to do?
The ususal answer depends or what level of help the person needs; 1. Prompting Leading into the bathroom & prompting each step. Then comes 2. Assisting. Doing the task together. (With family or an aide) Then 3. Full Assistance. The person is bathed by another (shower, basin wash or bed bath).
As most types of dementia are progressive, bathing is part of the wider picture. What other ADLs now require prompting or assistance? Meals? Meds? Toileting?
As independance slips into semi-dependant, then dependant, choices about home need to be made. Home vs Home + carers vs Nursing Home.
My guess is that everyone is so wrapped up in keeping her at home that you're stuck in that way of thinking. You're enabling her to live at home, and that isn't good for her overall health, as you now realize. Not bathing can lead to sores that won't heal. Skin fungus. Her odor will cause family and friends to avoid her. In short, it's a terrible situation. It's unsustainable.
You need a plan to get her 24/7 care, preferably in a facility where she can socialize. Professionals will know how to bathe her and keep her clean. You will be freed from the bondage of running her household and lying to yourselves and others that mom's fine, just fine, she just has a little mumble mumble problem but she's going to be all right.
Dementia changes everything, and when it's this serious, things cannot go on as if they were normal. I wish you luck in finding the help mom needs.
I have been fighting to bathe my husband, and care for his skin for 9 years. He suffers dementia as the result of a stroke, but his general health is not declining. He could live like this for many more years, and has been kicked out of Nursing homes because they could not safely manage his combative behavior.
I have learned to compromise. He is not as clean as I would like, but I manage to wrestle him and get a quick sponge bath in when I can. Here are some of my tips: Make it a part of their regular routine. For instance, when you wake up, we wash your face, and upper body, under the arms, and get a fresh shirt. Have a basin of warm water and soap ready in advance, a nice soft wash cloth, and sprinkle a couple drops of their favorite scent in the water, so it smells familiar to them.
Try and be as soothing and calm and gentle as possible. For me, fighting my stronger husband, I have learned to get in and out very quickly, before he can grab my arm or pull the cloth out of my hand.
I use disposable washcloths (large wipes) to try and get under the arms, then I use a 3" or 4" square gauze pad, (2 of them, actually) and pre-apply antiperspirant to the clean dry pad, and sprinkle with a little anti-fungal powder, and simply tuck it under their armpit. Let it stay there for a moment while I do the same on the other side, then those can be removed and thrown away. I use a lot of disposable products to help prevent the spread of bacteria.
I don't get too ambitious and try to wash the whole body at one time. I wash the lower part of the body when I do the first morning diaper change. Again, warm water and soap, some disposable cloths, and try to quickly saturate the area enough to get the skin clean.
If mom is getting up and going to the bathroom herself, place some wipes near the toilet and encourage her to thoroughly clean her skin when she goes.
If she is able to do so autonomously, she may feel more comfortable using disposable wipes to perform her own sponge bath every day.
I think for some, there is a fear of the water, not liking to get wet, or fear of slipping in the shower or bath, so they may be more open to a sponge bath.
There are caps you can buy for washing the scalp and hair. I don't use these, but that may be an acceptable option for her. You place it on the head, massage gently, then, simply remove and throw away. No running water needed!
Another tip for a combative bather, give them some part in the process. It will help them to feel they have some control. And keep their hands busy :) Such as: have them hold the dry towel - use a small, hand towel, not a huge, heavy bath towel. And tell them they can dry after you wash. That worked with my husband a couple times, then he got wise to me and would throw it down!
My mom was also refusing to shower all of a sudden. I realized she was having a hard time adjusting the temperature of the water..she was washing her hands at the kitchen sink one day and I noticed she pulled her hand back quickly . The water was so hot but she couldn't figure out how to make it cooler.. so i assumed she wasnt able to adjust the shower. after seeing this I started offering to get the shower ready when I was at her house. ( I was with her every day,)She went from showering every 2 weeks to showering at least twice a week. Try running the bath or shower for her, get the water temperature comfortable.
Moving her to an assisted living facility or memory care facility will not guarantee that she gets bathed. If she is combative there, they may not bathe her much.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The occasional incontinence sure didn't help.
When she started putting up a fight, biting people and raging at anyone who came near her--DH's OB simply started checking out ALF's. Dh was POA, but he never did a thing with his 'power'. He also didn't care that OB basically stepped up and did it all.
Somebody who does not want to bathe, can become incredibly strong and combative. I couldn't believe that the 3 sibs working together could not get her in the tub. (She didn't have a shower, thought they were low class).
Honestly, sounds like you need to find mom a care facility. If she can only take herself to the bathroom but nothing else--what is her QOL at this time? She needs CGs every single day. Bathing is just one of the many ADL'S she is incapable of doing.
You can get away with 'bed baths' between showers--but you cannot do it forever.
Good Luck with this. Honestly, it was the fighting over not bathing that landed MIL in a NH.
Maybe Google one, and see if there's someone who will come out and help her with that. ◡̈
Bathing actually has many steps & requires much planning & short term memory to accomplish. Add feeling cold, stiff or pain & no wonder people refuse. Then add lack of smell & loss to reason & they don't underdtand why bathing is hygienic & necessary.
What to do?
The ususal answer depends or what level of help the person needs;
1. Prompting
Leading into the bathroom & prompting each step. Then comes
2. Assisting. Doing the task together. (With family or an aide) Then
3. Full Assistance. The person is bathed by another (shower, basin wash or bed bath).
As most types of dementia are progressive, bathing is part of the wider picture. What other ADLs now require prompting or assistance? Meals? Meds? Toileting?
As independance slips into semi-dependant, then dependant, choices about home need to be made. Home vs Home + carers vs Nursing Home.
You need a plan to get her 24/7 care, preferably in a facility where she can socialize. Professionals will know how to bathe her and keep her clean. You will be freed from the bondage of running her household and lying to yourselves and others that mom's fine, just fine, she just has a little mumble mumble problem but she's going to be all right.
Dementia changes everything, and when it's this serious, things cannot go on as if they were normal. I wish you luck in finding the help mom needs.
He suffers dementia as the result of a stroke, but his general health is not declining. He could live like this for many more years, and has been kicked out of Nursing homes because they could not safely manage his combative behavior.
I have learned to compromise. He is not as clean as I would like, but I manage to wrestle him and get a quick sponge bath in when I can.
Here are some of my tips:
Make it a part of their regular routine. For instance, when you wake up, we wash your face, and upper body, under the arms, and get a fresh shirt. Have a basin of warm water and soap ready in advance, a nice soft wash cloth, and sprinkle a couple drops of their favorite scent in the water, so it smells familiar to them.
Try and be as soothing and calm and gentle as possible. For me, fighting my stronger husband, I have learned to get in and out very quickly, before he can grab my arm or pull the cloth out of my hand.
I use disposable washcloths (large wipes) to try and get under the arms, then I use a 3" or 4" square gauze pad, (2 of them, actually) and pre-apply antiperspirant to the clean dry pad, and sprinkle with a little anti-fungal powder, and simply tuck it under their armpit. Let it stay there for a moment while I do the same on the other side, then those can be removed and thrown away.
I use a lot of disposable products to help prevent the spread of bacteria.
I don't get too ambitious and try to wash the whole body at one time.
I wash the lower part of the body when I do the first morning diaper change.
Again, warm water and soap, some disposable cloths, and try to quickly saturate the area enough to get the skin clean.
If mom is getting up and going to the bathroom herself, place some wipes near the toilet and encourage her to thoroughly clean her skin when she goes.
If she is able to do so autonomously, she may feel more comfortable using disposable wipes to perform her own sponge bath every day.
I think for some, there is a fear of the water, not liking to get wet, or fear of slipping in the shower or bath, so they may be more open to a sponge bath.
There are caps you can buy for washing the scalp and hair. I don't use these, but that may be an acceptable option for her. You place it on the head, massage gently, then, simply remove and throw away. No running water needed!
Another tip for a combative bather, give them some part in the process. It will help them to feel they have some control. And keep their hands busy :)
Such as: have them hold the dry towel - use a small, hand towel, not a huge, heavy bath towel. And tell them they can dry after you wash.
That worked with my husband a couple times, then he got wise to me and would throw it down!
My father who had mild dementia didn’t shower for a year and I gagged when I went into my parents’ home until I got used to the stench.
He is now in SNF gets regular showers and looks 1000% better than he did when living at home.
I thought that bed baths would be basic, routine care.