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My sister 77Yrs old is threating to file abuse charges against my son and me. We took care of her for three and 1/2 months and would still be with her except she became angry and kicked us out of her life. She insisted on giving my son money for a car when his truck became un-drivable, I told her no that is not your problem she kept insisting, I wanted at least to have her two sons involved in this but she was very adamant that it was her money and none of their business, between my son and myself, we worked day and night for about six weeks getting her to a point she was strong enough to help herself more. She is a very large person at first was incontinent, unable to turn herself, we used a lift to get her in and out of bed, we kept her cleaned up I handled getting home health people in for her, my son stayed with her at night changed diapers, cooked her dinner and in the AM made sure she was cleaned up had her meds and light breakfast before he left for work. After he left a hired caregiver would come in for the daytime. all of this I would do on the weekend, except there was no outside help. I also paid bills for her and tried to help her manage money but she continually let me know she would do as she pleased with her money. I received no pay and did not want any, she was quite insistent my son deserved what she had done because he did so much for her. Now that she has changed her mind is it possible for her to sue or file charges I am concerned but do not feel any wrong was done to her.
I do hope this is not the normal way Elderlies thank people that have no intention except to love and help them.

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momhouseme, Dr. Phil is not the person sacrificing his life for anyone. I hope his show is not your only resource for information. It is true that once the money is gone, it is gone. If these caregivers are spending their money, time, energy and efforts on care for this person, it shouldn't be that difficult to understand that the money for the car was a gift or payement for services as opposed to exploitation. They are not living in a vacumn. If the afflicted sister is 77, how young do you think her nephew is?
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There are two ways to look at this. With a caregivers contract, which I had, I got paid from my moms money for her 24/7 caregiving and she lives with me. At first I refused to take any money and didn't for over a year, but the the siblings started asking me for her money, which was a small amount and I had to see if I was allowed to do that. It was time for a lawyer to settle things the right way. The lawyer said to look at it as the siblings inheritence, not your parent's money. If you take care of your parent for free, pay the higher heating bills, food, diapers, bedpads, clothing, medications, etc... and then Mom dies and there is still $50,000 left, each sibling gets their 1/2 or 1/3 or 1/4 depending on how many siblings there are. Now is that fair after you paid and did all the caregiving? (or left your job?) Fortunately my Mom has outlived her money. Once Mom's money ran out almost 3 years ago, I have now paid it all back for her needs. If Mom had passed, the siblings who never help would have gotten their share for doing nothing, now they will get what they deserve which is nothing. We all get nothing but Mom gets the best care ever, thats all that matters. I will continue to take care of my 90+ Mom until her last day even if she lives to over 100, which she might at this rate, lol. Hope this helps someone out. So when in doubt, go talk to a lawyer, their first session is usually free and you will gain a lot of knowledge to ease your mind. Maybe your son got a car, but you won't get anything in the future, no one knows.
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Dr Phil is not the ultimate source of what should or should not be done. But, I seriously doubt that Dr. Phil would suggest that any person give up their life to care for another almost non-stop, except when at their job, for no pay. He is constantly saying he considers his time to be valuable and I doubt he feels anyone else's time is less so. 'Nuff said about Dr. Phil.
In the immediate case I would suggest waiting the sister/aunt out to see what she ultimately does, if anything. Meanwhile, you and your son need to separately sit down and document, to the best of your ability, what was said by each person and when it was said. Anything you have that might document her intentions needs to be preserved. As others said, I doubt she does anything. I imagine any attorney she might contact is going to explain how expensive such a suit would be and the less than likely favorable results, especially if she did not make arrangements to compensate y'all for your work. That is said with the assumption that the amount of the gifts was not great. If the amount of the gift was excessive, she would probably have a bigger chance of winning such a suit.
Finally, there are a lot of people on here that have quit work and have given up their lives to care for relatives. I do not think that any of us are in any position to tell them they cannot be compensated for their work. It is none of our business. That is for them and their families to work out. I especially feel this is true if one of several children are stepping up and any remainder estate will be split with children who are only there holding their hands out. In no way am I suggesting the parent should be left penniless, but neither do I think a dutiful child should have to live in poverty when they are elderly because they were the one who stepped up when their parent needed help.
Off my soapbox now.
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Anyone can sue anybody, anytime for anything. It will cost money and take an emotional toll. My mom was threatening to sue my sister and I, daily. It didn't come to fruition, but it sure hurt our feelings. My mom's doctor prescribed a very low dose of Abilify and her anger and paranoia subsided. If she sues you , do not ignore it. Get an attorney.
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I doubt any lawyer will take her case. In the future, as I did, when money was insistently offered, I had her in the presence of a lawyer and his assistant sign a document. Dont hire a lawyer until you receive papers which I doubt will ever come.
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Sounds like she is just going on a wild goose chase for whatever reasons. It will burn itself out. If you are taking care of a person you are entitled to be reimbursed for your effort. Dr. Phil - I cannot even go into that - he can talk to me after he has taken care of his Mother or Father.
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This comment may sound harsh to some, but I am glad y'all no longer are in that situation. If it went that bad that quickly it was not apt to get any better. Neither you or your son need that kind of hassle. AND, your son definately does not need the added stress of fighting the advances of an elderly aunt.
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Thanks and you are right, even though I would love to have a good relationship with my sister in her last days, I look @ this as a blessing in disquise, I know now we both put oursleves at risk of somthing ugly happening and trying to defend ourselves against law protecting the Elderly. Witch of course is a needed law, they do need to be protected. I guess mpore than anything this post would serve as a warning to any caregiver no mater the relation be very careful and document everything.If in doubt about somthing get legal advise.
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how does one prove the money was a "gift"...elders can be exploited such that they are not all there t determine the consequences of giving significant monies away..dr phil pointed out that a senior has no way to re coup the money given away and once it is gone it is gone; money that could be used to their care....if she was so insistent on the car, she could have left said money to your son in her will...

a young person , per dr phil, has years and years to build his/her nest egg whereas an elder does not...
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get serious to whoever commmented that they hope dr phil wasn't my only resourse. I am a caregiver...I know the challenges and more. Dr. Phil's philosophy was shared which i hold on to. The age of the recipient of money does not matter. Something was wrong with my mom's mind some years ago and she was willing to buy a new car for me...I declined... need i say more. As she progressed in age so did her disease, Alzheiemer's and she needed every penny of her money. Elders often feel very generous without thinking of consequences of "giving away" money. Draw up a fair and equitable caregiving contract with an hourly wage identified. I'll bet the 77 year old's net worth is small....I share Dr.Phil's philosophy and would never take money from my mother gift or not as mom herself needs it for her care and her needs.
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