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During the day & evening he always asks, "Where do I go pee?" I tell him and sometimes have to show him. During the night if I don't hear him get up he will sometimes go on the carpet. When I hear him I tell him to go in the bathroom and direct him. Sometimes he leaves a puddle on the floor not realizing he should go in the toilet. I've tried putting puppy pads on the floor, but he trips on them. I now resort to having towels around the toilet bowl and if there is a puddle elsewhere well then I just have to clean it up. Anyone else dealing with this? He has Alzheimer's now for about 8 years. I am his only caregiver.

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You can’t help him in any way with this. It’s his Alzheimer’s . You aren’t missing anything or doing anything wrong.

What is your plan for when you can’t caregive for him anymore because his needs overwhelm your abilities? You are nearly there, so I hope you have a plan in place. What you are doing isn’t going to work for much longer.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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When this happens, many if not most people decide it's time for 24/7 care in a facility.

Incontinence in the home is awful. Everything starts to smell. You'll have to replace carpet and pad right down to the flooring, which, if it's wood, soaks up urine and poop. No getting rid of the odor. No point in trying.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Southernwaver Jan 19, 2024
Usually they have to rip out the floor and treat the sub floor or cement under it. Urine is so destructive.
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Can you not just have him wear Depends(or the like) and tell him not to worry about where the bathroom is and just pee in his "underwear"(Depends)?
At least for overnight.
Either that or you can try placing a bedside commode right next to his bed, but there is no guarantee that he will know what it's for, and you still risk pee all over the floor/carpet.
When my late husband(who had vascular dementia)got to where he was missing the toilet with his pee, I made him sit down to pee. Yes I made him. And eventually he got used to it and did it automatically.
But very long story short, his incontinence got much worst and eventually he had to get a supra pubic catheter, which made both of our lives much better/easier.
But also do know that incontinence is often the straw that will break the camels back and when a loved one needs to be placed. Only you can decide just how much more you can put up with or tolerate without your health being affected.
I hope you will know what your limitations are.
Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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So sorry you are dealing with this. We have the same issue with my dad. Because of dementia/Alz, it makes most of the obvious options not helpful. My dad hates the depends type underwear of any kind. If he can he takes them off & hides them. If he can’t get them off, once they are wet & uncomfortable, he pulls all of the insides out of them & there’s a mess everywhere. Because of his broken brain he doesn’t always let us change his clothes, sleeps in his day clothes, etc. it may be a couple days before we can get him to change. Mind you, this is a very mellow, easy going man. Loving & appreciative, not difficult usually.
Also, he definitely would not remember to use a urinal or bedside toilet……at least not for what it’s supposed to be used for. 🤪
Anyway, several things that have helped us some are 1) we put arrows on the floor from his side of the bed to his bathroom door & into the toilet with red duct tape. (Shorter dashes & then the arrow as you get to the bathroom.) 2) a bathroom sign on the bathroom door 3) once he’s in the bathroom, a red toilet seat (we read that sometimes with dementia patients they can’t make out things in a room of all one similar color so make the toilet seat a distinct color from everything else)

My dad still has accidents, but they are fewer than before, especially on the carpet. Most are at least in the bathroom now. Hope at least one of these things help you as well.
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Reply to Ltracy
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We have resorted to using a condom catheter at night. They are quite easy to apply and then he can just urinate and stay in bed. In our case it has been a game changer. We have utilized them during the day for walks or appointments. It is worth a try.
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Reply to Buddycare
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For me, incontinence issues were one of the reasons I had move from my house to AL. That is just too much to deal with, IMHO! Have you considered placing him? Will he wear pullups? You have to be getting very burnt out and barely getting any sleep. I feel so bad!
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Reply to againx100
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One more…… we leave the bathroom light on all night so hopefully he’s drawn that direction.😊
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Reply to Ltracy
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You are taking on a difficult task, caring for your husband with dementia. I commend you! (and a big hug to you). Unfortunately, people with dementia can't learn new things and forget many of the old things. He may not change his behavior. Put incontinence pads under him in the bed. would he wear adult "astronaut" diapers at night, and would he feel comfortable urinating in the diaper? Then just dispose of them in the morning (cut them off, some can be ripped off on the sides). He will need to be cleaned up with wipes. Also, take care of yourself so that you don't get caregiver burnout. Connect with your state's Department of Aging or a local social worker to make sure that he (and you) are getting all of the benefits you are entitled to. He may be eligible to get a part-time caregiver who can watch over him at night and help with bathing and dressing him in the morning (and cleaning up). You may be eligible to get someone to help with cleaning and other household chores. All the best to you and your husband.
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Reply to NancyIS
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geelo11: Perhaps you can try a bedside commode. Bear in mind, he may require residence in a managed care facility.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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It looks like he now needs 100% toileting supervision. Start with disposable underware and get one of those chair or bed alarms for when he gets up. You can also try to get him to the toilet on a schedule
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